it's been so long. it's been so long. truthfully, i don't know what i'm doing right now. i'm in shock, i feel broken, i feel used, i feel guilty. like i wasn't enough. or like i was too much. it's been a long time since i was really here. i met somebody, i started to fall in love, i forgot what it felt like to need to write about the things that hurt because for a while, a lot of things didn't hurt so bad. some arguments, sure. some difficulty trusting, sure. but it was so good. i have to remember that. i have to remember. i was so happy. i was so happy. i met somebody, i started to fall in love, and for the first time in my life, i wasn't that scared. i wanted it to work so bad. i wanted to try, i wanted to try. i confessed. she reciprocated. we dated for a year. during this year, we starting planning. she was planning, too. how we'd move out together, get a little apartment, be. close. be close. be together. we were long distance, and it was hard. we started planning. i swear,