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Submitted on
April 2, 2013
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my vacant fingers miss
the press of yours
even if it was only
in my mind
that we were
touching.

you were mine, there
floating happily through
eyes squeezed shut
because you were
right there with me
but now you're not.

your fingers
are pressing into
the dips of her spine
and it's not
fair.

you said you wanted to
always make me happy
but
all you did was
make me cry.
dreams run out of steam someday.
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:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is such a wonderful piece, you have captured so much emotion in only four stanzas. It seems as though you have been so careful with your word choices, because everything fits. Also, one last thing:

you said you wanted to
always make me happy
but
all you did was
make me cry.


This ending is absolutely perfect ♥
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:iconbrokenfragilethings:
brokenfragilethings Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm really flattered at you kind words! Thank you so much.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and took the time to comment!

And, oh, I'm really glad something jumped out at you. My favorite comments are the ones where someone likes a specific certain part.

Thank you again, babe. x
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:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Professional General Artist
I have to say, although I write poems on occasion, I never really had a passion for other people's poetry. Your work is remarkable though.
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:iconbrokenfragilethings:
brokenfragilethings Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This really put a smile on my face! I'm definitely mediocre at best, and I'm really humbled at your kind words! Especially since what I've read from yours is quite lovely.

I hope you have a lovely day, babe!
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:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Professional General Artist
I reckon many poets think that about themselves, but to produce a story in a meaningful way is a skill in itself. Most people rather abuse language and talk without content; most people should be mute and fingerless ;)
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:iconbrokenfragilethings:
brokenfragilethings Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, I know what you mean. There are quite a few people who...exactly, actually. I can't think of a better way to phrase that. Abuse is a perfect word for the context.

But anyway, thank you again. It's very nice of you to say. (:
Reply
:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Student Writer
Aw, this is so emotional and heartfelt (I don't think that's exactly the right word, but I could feel the emotion you poured out in the poem)! The use of the lowercase letters, free verse, and the breaking of the stanzas were done so well. I also like how there is almost the same amount of lines in each stanza - the flow is great. :)

The last stanza feels to be very relatable. I think everyone's had that guy or that girl in their life that turned out to be the major asshole they never expected him/her to be. I also like how in that stanza you said 'cry' instead of 'sad'. I really hate the word sad...it's usually put in really weirdly in poems; the way I hate it, lol. I am so fucking picky with words it's sad.

The second to last stanza,
"your fingers
are pressing into
the dips of her spine
and it's not
fair."
is definitely my favorite, because of the word choice and imagery there is here. Really amazing job.

I really like this poem overall, it's fantastic.
Reply
:iconbrokenfragilethings:
brokenfragilethings Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sometimes it's easier for me to pour things out not to someone, but just on a page, so for the split second when you're waiting for a reaction that could be negative, it never comes. It makes me feel a lot more relaxed. I have problems expressing my feelings to other people, it's why I took up writing to begin with.

Thank you for the lovely comment, dear. (: I appreciate it! I'm really glad some of the emotions got through, and that it could be relatable! There definitely is that major ass in everyone's life who ruins them. It's how it goes. And haha, I understand! I feel, for the most part, sad is too generic. I wanted to show that it was sad enough to cry over. Not just "oh, eh, I'm sad." you know? I'm glad 'cry' worked. (:

Oh, wow! I appreciate it. Thank you so much babs<3
Reply
:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Student Writer
That's awesome and a great reason to why you write. I wish I could say the same, but I have a really really hard time on putting my feelings in poetry. So, I don't. (But I'm actually trying to write a personal poem...hopefully start writing it & post it today)

You're very welcome! :) Oh, yeah I get that. :nod: It really did work. :)

You're very welcome!! :heart:
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:iconbrokenfragilethings:
brokenfragilethings Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Eh, I'm kind of gross when it comes to talking about problems I'm having. Which, in itself, is a problem LOL. So, I mean, I guess poetry or writing of any sort had to take the place of talking to people.
(That's alright, I'm sure you'll get it. I bet it'll be lovely, can't wait to see it!)

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